How Self-Help Books Can Make You Self-Loathe

There is currently a huge market for self-help books. I’m sure it’s something you may have noticed too. ‘Self-help’ is the common term for a genre of books that can supposedly improve your life but it's worth remembering that these books cover a broad spectrum of ‘helpful’ advice from a plethora of qualified, and unqualified, voices. A variety of authors, entrepreneurs, celebs, influencers and life coaches have published books on health, dieting, mental health, finances, lifestyle, personality, masculinity, dating… and that’s just the short list. According to these books, and the amount they sell, there is an endless list of things you need to ‘fix’ about yourself.  

There’s an audience of people who want to improve their lives, and authors who want to help, so what? Surely that’s a good thing? Like a lot of things in life if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Notice the slogans plastered on reviews and adverts; ‘this book changed my life’ and such. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Something is making you unhappy, this book offers a solution, you read it, implement the advice and now your life is perfectly fulfilled. If only… 

We have to remember that these books are sold to make a profit. No single book has the quick fix to what's making you unhappy, if it did the self-help industry would be out of business. These books, purposefully or not, can teach you to hate yourself in hopes that you'll buy another book. Just think, if the book can fix anyone's life, why is there a sequel?

In some ways self-help preys on vulnerable people, unhappy in some aspect of their life whether that be financially, their love life or mental health. They will pinpoint an insecurity and a reader will read through filled with hope and then implement the book’s advice. But what if it doesn't work? Is there something wrong with you? Should you try another book? Or maybe you were focusing on the wrong issue and there’s something else in your life that needs improvement? This is the thought process these books rely on their readers having. There will always be something about you that is unfulfilling, some insecurity somewhere. Self-help can often mean that you are constantly looking for these things to ‘fix’ rather than seeing the positives in your life. You can be stuck constantly looking at the negatives. It’s like weeding a garden whilst scattering knotweed seeds. 

The best representation I’ve seen of this is actually in ‘Sex and The City’, when Charlotte wanders down the self-help aisle (or self-hell aisle as Carrie calls it) and recognises who these books are marketed toward. The woman saying the book in Charlotte's hand 'really helped' her despite being curled up on the floor crying, perfectly encapsulates my point; these books can be a trap. 

This is obviously a very cynical take and I want to reassure you that there are plenty of self-help books that will, in fact, help you and are written by experts and authors with the best intentions. There are books that can help you find the positives in life rather than weasel in more self-doubt and self -reproach. You can even look at fiction books, which can help you find some light just as much as non-fiction. I recommend books that offer a more positive focus towards self-help and if you read them and still feel unhappy, just know there's nothing wrong with you. Books are pretty magic but they aren’t a magic wand to fix everything. Do your research, question the author's motives and don’t fall into the trap of self-help.